Hello! I found this on the Literature Critique Thread. Please ignore the star rating.
I really loved reading this -- it's such an original historical mashup, and that's precisely what makes it so much fun. I love the nods you give to history and culture, like Hatshepsut landing like a cat, when cats were sacred to the Egyptians. It all fits together very cleverly.
I do have a few suggestions for you, though. First, a some nitpicky grammatical things:
- "brandished their fists above their head": should be "heads," since there are many spectators.
- "The Egyptian spectators' guffaws joined the Britons' boos into a dissonant din": I think "into" should be "in."
- There's a weird line break after "women graceful and" that dA might have added in when you were posting.
The only other issue I had with this piece was Boudicca's use of the N-word. While it definitely fits in with her character's mean streak and gives Hatshepsut a reason to really want to kill her, it was kind of off-putting for me to read because of the history behind it. Obviously the N-word is a more recent invention than any of the historical figures in your story, so I think there might be a similarly offensive but less-loaded term that you might use here, if you chose to.
Either way, it's up to you -- I still found this an entertaining story to read.